She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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