he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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