I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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