She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
