So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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