I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
