she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize