My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
