The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
