How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
