i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize