I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
