No awkward lesbian experiences without me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
