i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
