I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
