Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They are going to name an STD after you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
