I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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