On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
