there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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