Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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