the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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