you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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