she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
