If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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