your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize