I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So much Jack, so little girl.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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