Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
