Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
