He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
