im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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