please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
