I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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