YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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