It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
