i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
