all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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