just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
