she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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