Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
