I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
