So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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