So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
