i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
