1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
