come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
