D3 body, D1 cock
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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