best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
