her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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