you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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