What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
