best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
