All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I won the penis lottery.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
