when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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