omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize