some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
