im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
