I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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