need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
