we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize