Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I CAN MOONWALK!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
