those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
