I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
