She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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