Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
