Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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