I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
