The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
