I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's official drugs can't kill me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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