I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You can't motorboat a personality
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
