i would punch a child for taco bell
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
