totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
