lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
