How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
