I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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