I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
