Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
