dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize