I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
