I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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