God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
