This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
