I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
