Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize