why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
