Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
