i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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