Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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