WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
