How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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