My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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