If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
