what day is it and did you see me today?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize