Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
