We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
