WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
