Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
