Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
