What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
