woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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