It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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