They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
