oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
